solmate | noctium inbox

[she knows it’s a simple question, that it might be foolish to even assume there was an answer, but…]

why?

You'll think me selfish.

When I was young, I was invisible.
I never fit anywhere.
And all I wanted was to be wanted.

And then when I found out I had powers, everyone seemed to want something from me. I needed to be a strong, pious saint but I'm not that.
And Mal just wanted me back the way I was, but I can't be that either.
I still don't fit anywhere.

is this selfish?
sound is confused.
of course child wants to be wanted and all to love.
but is confusing if wanting people want different things.

and ALINA said she has strong important power
so risk is more high than usual confusion
if perhaps parents want you to marry village boy but maybe you want to go school or apprentice…

is not selfish to not know what to be
but is also not broken
just not solid yet.

You're very wise, Konoha.
I just wish I had the time to figure out what I did want.

people say that here
no one ever says in i’s world
maybe i’s smart mind is only working for more complicated person?
strange.

i know must be busy with important task in home
but can not use time here?

They should.
I think you're wise everywhere.

Maybe.
Nikolai is from my future though.
There are things I need to do. I can't change them.
I have to give up my power in order to help my country.
And then I could live a normal life like I do here.
I used to think I wanted that.
But I don't know anymore.

ALINA is kind
if i’s simple foolish wisdom is helpful though
then i am glad

honestly i do not like to think this
because for me, i am lucky enough to hear of a future I wish to be true
but some people speak of thing they call PARALLEL WORLD
of how future can be different if thing changes because of event like
this, being going to different worlds and knowing different thing
like ripple on a pond.
NIKOLAI knows a future
but if things change here
can we say is for sure not changing home?

would this be comforting to consider?
there is many smart person here who knows about this time issue ALINA could speak to possibly?

I don't know if that would be fair to Nikolai, though.

When I come from he is a prince vying for the crown.
He was ambitious. And cocky. And I thought he was only using me for status.
Plus I didn't want to be queen, so it didn't make sense to marry him.

I still don't want to be queen.
But it's hard to say if the future waiting for me is the right one.
Here, he's already king.
And he's different. He's learned lessons. He is a good king.
But most of all, I think he is destined to marry someone else.

Another person told me that. From even farther in our future.

i do not know if PARALLEL WORLD is fair
or even real
just something other tell i of when i ask about what will happen if we go home with memory
but if was true
NIKOLAI would still be those things in world NIKOLAI knows?
possible i should not try to tell about, because is complicated...

yes
he tell i about princess from SHU
is sad to marry not loved one but
to marry for kingdom is king 's fate
if remaining king.

fate is fate
like destination at end of road but
sometimes
can get off the road if really wanting to.

Oh.
Oh no, not the Shu princess.
Although I'm sure she's very nice.

[ What does happen to her? Aleksander didn't tell her. Oh well. ]

No, he marries Zoya.
Apparently.

[ It's a love... square. ]

[Konoha... really did text trying to check if Alina was doing okay. Maybe offer to have her over, cook... But, sorry, what-]

ZOYA?
the ZOYA you tell me of before with powers and scary face and nice breast?

The very same.

is
is all things ALINA hears of future from trusted person?
you make ZOYA sound not good before…
and was with MAL?
no?
memory is too drunk?

Well.

No. The person told me that lies a lot.
But I don't know why he would lie about THIS. He doesn't get anything from it.
He told me that Zoya was the queen and that Nikolai was her consort and he wouldn't get any power or prestige if that was true. He always wanted to be in power.

But yes Zoya was with Mal.
But I guess not anymore because Mal and I get married?

well
would be getting… much upset and broken strength of relationship of ALINA and NIKOLAI?
no?

[look, she doesn’t know how Villains work but it seems a bit suspicious that’s all she’s saying..]

on beach
ALINA sounds a little happy potential
talking about MAL and farm and countryside
is why i keep secret like asked.
but
no more?
even if if future is true and ALINA marries MAL
is possible proof that MAL just want ALINA like ALINA is in future
not past?

[ Gosh dang Konoha and her logic. ]

When I thought about marrying Mal, I was imagining a simple future.
And it was a fantasy, because there was many responsibilities keeping me from that so it was impossible.
And it almost felt safer to want it like that when it couldn't happen.

Love is complicated.

[she is trying so hard]

yes
i hear this many times

but
i think people allow to be more complicated than must be.
that is matter for future ALINA
if you really want
need only be present ALINA

is up to you.

Well, I'll let you know what present Alina wants as soon as I figure it out.

of course.
if present ALINA wants talk
or just distraction for not talking

please feel free to tell present konoha

Thanks Konoha.
I appreciate you.
I'm glad you're my friend.

i am glad also.

in i’s world i do not have woman friend really
hope i am doing alright
please teach if need be ALINA

It's still new to me too.
We'll learn together.

Do you want to have tea this weekend?

that sound is good

both things

inside at home tea
or go out to nice teahouse tea?

Whichever you prefer. My treat if you want to go out, but I'm happy to stay in too.

then let us go out

i hear of nice place of recent
had big outdoor seating

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solmate - 2022-02-04 04:58 (UTC) - Expand

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lumberlady - 2022-02-04 14:12 (UTC) - Expand