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[ For a long time, Matt sits staring at the messages. He thinks maybe he's asleep and coming up with some weird psychosexual dream to work out his daddy issues through, his subconscious mind seizing on the collar Alina wears in some sort of social-circle-wide kink analysis. He's half tempted to pinch himself.

But no. The obvious answer is here, staring him in the face with all the impersonal judgment sans-serif can muster.

Matt's an idiot. ]

oh god

alina i had no idea

i wouldn;t

[ But how could he have had no idea? Nikolai told him all he needed to know: What he created were sentient shadows. And he essentially force fed me--

Shadows. Shadows brushing Matt's fingers and slipping around his eyes. Though what he's swallowed of Aleksander's he hardly needed to be force-fed. ]

It's okay.

I know you wouldn't.

You didn't know and of course he wouldn't tell you.

I was blind to him at first too.

what happened

[ That question isn't nearly specific enough, but Matt's reeling. ]

I mean I guess I don't know that much about him but

HE made the monster??

Nichevo'ya.
That's what they're called.

Monsters forged from shadows using a forbidden magic.
It's not like... what I do, where just call the light.
He can make things from it, and it's horrible.

[ Fuck. ]

Okay. I remember that from what Nikolai told me, and it did sound

horrible

[ Though Nikolai'd used a different term for it. What had it been? Matt's brain, awash in guilt and recrimination, won't conjure the memory. ]

when you say you were blind to him at first

[ Hoo boy. This is a doozy. But she knows Matt and she trusts Matt to hold all her stupid mistakes and not make too many judgements.

(And it probably doesn't hurt to know that they've both been guilty of calling him daddy.) ]

Did I ever tell you about the principles of the small science?
It's 'like calls to like.'
But there are no other sun summoners besides me.
There are no other shadow summoners like him.

He.... convinced me that we were all the other could have. That he was the only one who could ever understand what it's like, or else I would be standing alone.

[ And sometimes I still think that, she does not type. ]

I thought we were going to do good things together. Great things. For the good of Ravka.
The collar was just so he could try and take my power for himself.

[ Matt couldn't judge Alina if he wanted to. The story she tells is too familiar. If the connection between Aleks and Nikolai fills him with guilt and horror, though, this makes him angry. An emotion he doesn't feel all that often, and tries not to indulge.

But God, why are they all the same? ]

There are principles like that where I come from. Theories and things.

I'm so sorry he did that. My ex

never tried to take my power or anything, but he made me feel like that all the time. That nobody else would ever care as much as he did, nobody else would know what it was like to be who and what I was

[ To be sort of almost fair to Vincent, he didn't mean he was the literal only person who would get it. More that preternaturals had to stick together. ]

Yeah that

Sounds like Aleksander too.

He's very good at it.
Making you feel special.
But not without reminding you how lonely it can be.

[ And to be fair, he's sort of right. More than sort of, he is right. Loneliness was a truth he always showed, even if he changed the framing.

But she just has to be strong enough not to be tempted to change that. ]

What I mean is
I don't know what he said to you or how he acted towards you.
But whatever happened... I understand.
I've been there too.

[ More recently than Matt probably thinks, but she doesn't need to be that honest either. ]

Nothing like what's happened with you or Nikolai, that's for sure

[ Awkwardly, the whole truth insofar as Matt knows it is "actually Aleksander's been pretty cool to me." But he's not going to say that to Alina at this point.

Better to stick with solidarity. ]

I'm sure I don't need to say it at this point, but just in case it bears repeating

he's wrong.

I mean, in a way, even this conversation shows he's wrong.

I know.

[ Does she? Most of the time. Probably. ]

At the risk of being too glib
I'm sorry I ruined your daddy kink.

[ Matt stares down at the message for a moment.

Then he barks out a laugh. ]

Don't even worry about it. 💛 I'd rather know than not.

This does make it 2 for 2 times daddy kink has gone poorly on this planet

Oh saints.
Well. I hope you have better luck you try it next time.
Maybe we should make it our goal to find normal daddies.

That's a resolution for the new year I am happy to make.

[ Daddies must be hot, older, somewhat emotionally reserved or distant, and have committed a maximum of one atrocity. ]

you 🤝 me

(and 🤢 at aleksander)

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