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[ something warms her, about that. that alina wasn't meant to be there. it only solidifies what inej already knows -- that sankta alina is meant to save the people of ravka, and that the people of ravka are where she is meant to be.

saying that in text, again, feels like too much. but: ]

I doubt I would have been invited to Os Alta.
People like me tend to get barred from Palaces or Stadhalls.

[ her people are really only invited along as entertainment, rather than anyone of real value or worth. and, as an added bonus, inej isn't grisha. she's hardly anyone special, in the grand scheme of things. so she had to make her own luck.

now, at least, she's barred from places of power because they're afraid of her. much better than being invited along as entertainment or someone's pleasure for the evening. ]

And I don't think it's stupid, or selfish.
To not want to be there.
I have no love lost for Ravka, or Kerch. Or any place, really.
Rich men are the same, and rich men are the ones in charge.
But I do have love for the people there.

[ people like nina, who fight so desperately for the good and ideal of what places like ravka could be, even though it's nothing more than a disappointment time and time again. people like nina -- and, quite frankly, alina -- are why ravka still has hope. ]

all the more reason you should have been there.

[ The people that did occupy those places hardly protected her. The King, the Apparat, the Darkling, saw her as a means to an end, a tool to be used. Even Nikolai was guilty of that in his youthful ambition, even if his desires were far more palatable.

But it's still a relief, like a balm or penance that Inej seems to understand. Permission that she didn't need to change herself to fit into those places. ]

thank you.
it's hard to feel like there are things you should want...
but it's not what your heart wants.

[ Maybe this is slightly too heavy to get into with Inej so quickly. ]

i know nikolai is trying.
he loves ravka more than anyone i've ever met.
is he a good king?
please be honest.

[ ah.

she both expects and doesn't expect the question. and the answer that inej has isn't particularly satisfying, that she has no idea. ravka isn't home to her, anymore. she has no real home, really. her home is her ship, and where her family is. which has always been true, to a certain extent. it isn't as if the suli have any real claim to their own land, anymore.

which is the sticking point, really. she remembers nina, and how crestfallen she had been when she had asked inej her thoughts of the new king, in the geldrunner. how stung she had been, when inej had told her the truth -- that no king of ravka had ever been kind to her people, and inej very much doubted the new one would be the same. she doesn't imagine alina would be so stung, to hear that. on one hand, they've only really now become friends -- not like nina, who inej knows loves her dearly. and on the other hand, alina seems to understand what it means to be used as a means to an end.

besides, she had told nikolai herself, how little she thought of him, and his monarchy, and his grand plans to save ravka. it meant nothing to her, so long as her people were still being sold on the coasts to slavers. little girls who didn't have the privilege of being powerful grisha or daughters of politicians or friends of the king. so nikolai can try all he wants; inej has no faith in people in power, anymore.

none of that really answers alina's question, though. ]

My people have no use for Ravkan kings.
Ravkan kings have killed us before, and they will probably kill us again.
And I know that the Suli are an afterthought to most Ravkans.
Including Nikolai Lantsov.

[ which is admittedly a little harsh. but an apology for not doing enough isn't good enough, when you still aren't doing enough. but: ]

But he did listen.
Even though I wasn't kind, or gentle with his feelings.
Most men wouldn't.
So I don't know if he's a good king or not.
But I do believe that he is a good person.

[ As difficult it is for Alina to read, Alina can only imagine how difficult it is for Inej to write. The Grisha and the Suli have both faced adversity in their world, wringing whatever use they can out of them.

It isn't right. ]

thank you, inej.
if he couldn't handle your honesty then he doesn't deserve to be king.

i wish there was more i could do.
but i have now to make him a good king.
and some time when i go back home.
i want things to be different.
i'll do my best for you and your people.

[ She must. ]

[ it's less difficult and more a pragmatic acceptance of her circumstances in life. men like nikolai (not nikolai himself, but men like him, men with power and prestige and title and lineage) have done nothing but harm her. bought her, sold her, used her, and tossed her aside for the next. the only reason inej is not dead is because kaz brekker found her at the perfect moment -- and, well, a steeled determination to not die like some helpless rabbit trapped in a snare.

and what alina says does warm her a little, but: ]

We - Suli, Grisha - need to stop acting like the people with all the power in the world are helpless to do the right thing without our guidance.

It isn't your job to make Nikolai Lantsov a good king, Sankta Alina.
It is his.

And if he fails to save Ravka, then maybe the real question isn't whether Nikolai was a good king.
It's whether Ravka can be saved at all.

[ Ah... Alina knows Inej is right, but the stark truth of it is difficult for her on the other side of the screen. No, that is not her job. She is not Ravka's Queen. The fact that she could even be a Queen is both because of and in spite of being Grisha.

Her story is written though. She gives her life so Ravka even has the chance to prevail.

That does not mean they deserve it.

(What would Inej think of her saint, so easily wavering from the sacrifice that is asked of her? What small ask is her light versus a nation? The world?) ]

you're right.
ravka is my home, although it has not always loved me back.
and i need to keep trying for the people there that can be saved.

[ inej has no love lost for ravka. it hasn't ever seen her, or her people. most ravkans wouldn't consider inej ravkan to begin with, and that suits her just fine. she could give half a damn what ravka thinks of her. ravka didn't fight to save her from the slavers. and ravka didn't listen to her people's pleas for safety during their wars. and ravka certainly didn't give a damn when the fold tore through her people's lands.

but alina doesn't necessarily have it so easy. to just forsake ravka as a country.

so: ]

If I gave up on every thing or every person that has hurt me, I would have nothing.

[ how many times has she gotten into it with kaz in the years since he found her at the menagerie? all the fighting and anger and jagged pieces running along one another, just to wind up where they are now. but even with him, there had to be a line. she couldn't continue pouring her heart into something that wasn't going to give her love in return. ]

Most things are worth saving, and fighting for.
If nothing else, the people of Ravka deserve saving.
Most of them just want to be free.

[ freedom from war, or enslavement, of poverty. freedom to move throughout their country, freedom to live without fear. that's worth fighting for. and maybe, once those things are secured, true peace can come. but until all of ravka's jagged edges are made whole, there will be no peace. and inej won't fight for something that won't fight for her. ]

that's all i ever wanted. to be free.

[ That is not necessarily compatible with being a saint, but she cannot put herself above all those who need her. ]

we have that chance now, at least.
so... a pet?

[ it's a bizarre thought to her, that someone who is so revered and beloved doesn't feel she's free. but inej supposes that that much is true . . . every ravkan diplomat and politician, fighting to own sankta alina's light. how suffocating, and horrible.

just further proof that the country isn't worth it, to inej. but the people usually are.

inej lets it drop, for now. but she tucks that thought away. ]

A pet.
Are you free now?

i am.

[ Free in more ways than one, Alina thinks. For now. ]

shall i meet you at your apartment?

Good.

[ on all counts. freedom is a precious thing. ]

And sure.
Kaz went to explore the department store.

[ which inej is certain he will both love and hate, but he's not around at the moment. perfect time to have guests. and also sneak a bird into the house. ]

i'll see you soon.

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