[Nikolai has always operated under the assumption that as long as he keeps pushing forward, trying every path and turning every stone, he can achieve anything. Only recently has he reconciled himself to the possibility that he and Ravka cannot both flourish, that he may have to sacrifice himself to give his country its best chance at longevity.
But Alina's presence at his side, the pressure of her hand at his arm, is a reassurance. A warmth, a weight — not burdening him, but anchoring him.
He sneaks a glance at her. Even now, it feels natural to walk by her side.]
In case you're wondering, Mal made it through too. Zoya, Genya, and David I installed as head of the Second Army — it may have been too much power to grant any one person. Tolya and Tamar are my personal guards.
[ Her heart leaps at the news. Although her relationship with Mal was more fraught than ideal when she left, her heart leaps at the news. She hadn't asked out of fear of knowing the outcome. To mention it in passing, in easy conversation... well that must mean he is alive and safe. Mal deserved a life, uncomplicated in the ways hers could never really be. Her smile comes easily as her relief is palpable, the corners of her eyes crinkling in joy.
She is the only one unaccounted for, and she has already constructed a likely fate. The way that he's looking at her, the outcome he described... If the Darkling is gone, well, it makes sense for his complement to go as well, and apparently it had been some time since they had seen each other. It was a sacrifice she knew was almost surety. Her power is a frightening weapon, and while it is part of her being, a thing that makes her thrive as it grows, it's a relief to know that she may be unbound from it too.
She offers a gentle nod of acknowledgement. Too calm to be for her friends, this is one for herself. But she won't mourn herself. Saints were meant to be martyrs. ]
I probably shouldn't admit this, but if you asked me I would probably would have said that sounds like an utterly fantastical and impossible outcomeโ [ She holds her hand up anticipating his interjection about how it is really improbable, thank you Nikolai. And it's not for lack of faith in any of her fiends and allies. It was herself that she doubted. ] โbut one that I am truly happy to hear.
[ Hoping to keep the conversation light and not focused on her almost sure death, she turns her head to him, offering a bit of a mischievous glance before she teases him. ]
[What he neglects to mention is that she gets her happily ever after with Mal. An ordinary life, released from the weight of expectations sheโd borne like a heavy mantle as the Sun Summoner. Nikolai tells himself that it could be dangerous to know the shape of the future too well before it comes to pass — but beneath that thin excuse is his pride, still smarting after all these years. She had not chosen him. It was one scheme that failed utterly.
He allows her to change the subject. Although, her choice of light conversational fare happens to be one of the problems that weighs on him most heavily. Nevertheless, he plays the part of roguish bachelor quite well. In answer he arranges a jaunty grin on his face.]
Not yet, although Zoya has made an admirable effort to inundate me with name after name of potential brides. Itโs so hard being the worldโs most eligible bachelor sometimes.
[Eligible aside from the fact that he may very well devour his bride on their wedding night. But even if the monster curled in his heart did not stand in the way of marriage, Nikolaiโs own foolish romantic notions would stall him.
He knows he has no time to wait for love. His duty to his country calls.
He also does not say that everything would have been easier if the girl beside him had accepted his damn emerald ring.]
[ Alina remains blissfully unaware of the wrench she has thrown in his scheming, assuming she is out of the running on account of being. Well. Dead. ]
I would have thought Zoya would have added herself to the list.
[ Is that... jealousy in Alina's voice? Surely not. But it's a statement muttered under her breath, and she can't help the way her nose wrinkles in displeasure. Her assumptions are running a little rampant tonight, and Mal and Zoya's kiss is still fresh in her mind. ]
Well all the more incentive for us to try and get you home and she can resume her royal matchmaking activities.
[And he tries to ignore the pang of...something that pulls him back to the night Zoya had told him the story of her own scars. The night he realized — with the force of the sea overwhelming the shore — that she possessed all the strength that composes a true queen.]
But you're right about one thing — the sooner I can return, the better. That country of ours is like a child, always in need of a hand to walk upright. Or like a drunkard.
[Find a way back. Purge himself of the monster. Get out of the Fold. Save Ravka from imminent political turmoil. It's one hell of a to do list.]
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no subject
Hopefully stubbornness will be enough.
[Nikolai has always operated under the assumption that as long as he keeps pushing forward, trying every path and turning every stone, he can achieve anything. Only recently has he reconciled himself to the possibility that he and Ravka cannot both flourish, that he may have to sacrifice himself to give his country its best chance at longevity.
But Alina's presence at his side, the pressure of her hand at his arm, is a reassurance. A warmth, a weight — not burdening him, but anchoring him.
He sneaks a glance at her. Even now, it feels natural to walk by her side.]
In case you're wondering, Mal made it through too. Zoya, Genya, and David I installed as head of the Second Army — it may have been too much power to grant any one person. Tolya and Tamar are my personal guards.
no subject
She is the only one unaccounted for, and she has already constructed a likely fate. The way that he's looking at her, the outcome he described... If the Darkling is gone, well, it makes sense for his complement to go as well, and apparently it had been some time since they had seen each other. It was a sacrifice she knew was almost surety. Her power is a frightening weapon, and while it is part of her being, a thing that makes her thrive as it grows, it's a relief to know that she may be unbound from it too.
She offers a gentle nod of acknowledgement. Too calm to be for her friends, this is one for herself. But she won't mourn herself. Saints were meant to be martyrs. ]
I probably shouldn't admit this, but if you asked me I would probably would have said that sounds like an utterly fantastical and impossible outcomeโ [ She holds her hand up anticipating his interjection about how it is really improbable, thank you Nikolai. And it's not for lack of faith in any of her fiends and allies. It was herself that she doubted. ] โbut one that I am truly happy to hear.
[ Hoping to keep the conversation light and not focused on her almost sure death, she turns her head to him, offering a bit of a mischievous glance before she teases him. ]
And have you found a queen to keep you in line?
no subject
He allows her to change the subject. Although, her choice of light conversational fare happens to be one of the problems that weighs on him most heavily. Nevertheless, he plays the part of roguish bachelor quite well. In answer he arranges a jaunty grin on his face.]
Not yet, although Zoya has made an admirable effort to inundate me with name after name of potential brides. Itโs so hard being the worldโs most eligible bachelor sometimes.
[Eligible aside from the fact that he may very well devour his bride on their wedding night. But even if the monster curled in his heart did not stand in the way of marriage, Nikolaiโs own foolish romantic notions would stall him.
He knows he has no time to wait for love. His duty to his country calls.
He also does not say that everything would have been easier if the girl beside him had accepted his damn emerald ring.]
no subject
I would have thought Zoya would have added herself to the list.
[ Is that... jealousy in Alina's voice? Surely not. But it's a statement muttered under her breath, and she can't help the way her nose wrinkles in displeasure. Her assumptions are running a little rampant tonight, and Mal and Zoya's kiss is still fresh in her mind. ]
Well all the more incentive for us to try and get you home and she can resume her royal matchmaking activities.
no subject
I think she would rather swallow her kefta whole.
[And he tries to ignore the pang of...something that pulls him back to the night Zoya had told him the story of her own scars. The night he realized — with the force of the sea overwhelming the shore — that she possessed all the strength that composes a true queen.]
But you're right about one thing — the sooner I can return, the better. That country of ours is like a child, always in need of a hand to walk upright. Or like a drunkard.
[Find a way back. Purge himself of the monster. Get out of the Fold. Save Ravka from imminent political turmoil. It's one hell of a to do list.]